How To Avoid the Butt-in factor
Ever been in a situation where you've not even finished speaking, and the person across from you is already butting in? Notice how that makes you feel a little edgy? Actually, it's more than edginess, and can cause a huge amount of internal frustration for your customer.
So why should you avoid the butt-in factor?
Psychologically, we're all wired to feel important. And when we
speak, we need to be heard. So when someone is speaking, you need to listen to what they're saying in it's entirety.
Yes I know you know the answer to the other person's question.
Yes,I know that you knew the solution, the moment the other person spoke. But that's not the point. By butting in, you're doing two things.
1) Creating a butt-in factor
2) Missing out on what the person is ACTUALLY saying
Creating a butt-in factor: When someone else is speaking, and you butt in, you immediately start chipping at the other person's ego.
In effect, you're training the other person, not to give their opinion, because hey, you already know it all. Or in another scenario, the other person will try to out- speak you, even while you're speaking, thus creating cacophony–and resulting in complete lack of communication.
So here's what you need to do to avoid the butt-in factor
Listen completely. If you need to say something, write it down.
When you listen, wait for the other person to finish speaking. Then count ‘1, 2'and then, and only then, should you speak back. When you don't interrupt, you give respect to the other person's
Plus the two-second wait creates a factor of ‘Hey, you're actually listening to me.' But that's not the only reason you should listen. The biggest reason why you should listen, is because you'll miss out on what the other person is actually saying.
What is the other person actually saying?
You can't predict what's going on in the other person's mind. You think you can work it out, but you can't. Listening completely, not only creates respect, but it also brings up ideas and dimensions that you weren't even considering.
Stop. Listen. And count to two, before answering.
It's a great way to respect the other person's point of view, as well as get great ideas for yourself, that you didn't even think of in the first place.
In workshops, I can get pretty fidgety. At the Website Masterclass/Protege workshops, I can quickly see what the person is saying, and almost intuitively I know the solution to
And yet, I always listen. Sometimes, the participant can speak for as long as 30 minutes before I interrupt. This takes great will power on my part, but here's what I've found.
a) Participants want to have their say. And listening is a very important part of their process of speaking out, and clarifying what's on their brain.
b) Somewhere in the 30 minutes, the ideas can go at a tangent, thus bringing about a much richer, far more powerful idea. By butting in, all I'd do is force the idea to remain ‘my idea', and not give the idea wings.
A bit of willpower, a clamped mouth, and a piece of paper to jot down your own ideas, can go a long way to creating amazing conversation–and respect for the customer.
Plus your customers like you a whole lot better.
There's a story about Mark Twain. How he was grappling with a vexing problem. Brow furrowed, he walked across the street on a windy day. From nowhere there a sheet of newsprint danced across the street and wound itself around his leg.
Mark Twain bent down to take off the sheet and throw it away, when he noticed that it had the answer to his exact problem.
So is life a puzzle solver?
I believe so. If you and I would just shut up and listen, we'd hear what life is trying to tell us. At an Internet Summit I attended, I got a taste of this concept first hand.
Now I was this high falutin' speaker, so I needed to meet with the participants. At least that's what I thought. And there were at least 275 or more participants at this event.
So I was kind of measuring my time. If I spoke to someone once, I tried to make time for others who wanted my advice but had not met me before. So this guy Andy strolls up to me and starts talking. And I try to make a quick exit. But Andy isn't deterred. He keeps talking. So I stopped and asked.
What is life trying to teach me here?
I listened — and believe it or not, Andy gave me information that was perfect. Information that helped me put together the pieces of my puzzle. During the day, several people like Andy came up to me to speak to me. And they had all spoken to me before. Again, I listened.
And whaddyaknow, they were all putting together pieces of my puzzle together.
Are you struggling with your puzzle?
Life is trying its darndest to give you the answer but you're probably too busy going yakkity yak. Take time to listen. And have a pen and paper handy. You'll be amazed.
Mark Twain and I certainly are.
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