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Psychotactics Blog

How I Overcame My Three Fears

Author: Sean D'Souza

Business Fears: How I Overcame My Three Fears

Business Fears: How I Overcame My Three Fears

At any stage in business, you have fears. And you look at others and think they are so successful.

However, every business owner has fears; they just don't share them with you. Here are a few stories on business fears and how to overcome them.

When clients look at us, me in particular, they see an almost unblemished trail of success. But you can’t see the fear behind what we’ve been through. Yes, it’s fear. Let’s go into story land and learn about the fear and possibly how to overcome it.

Right click to save this episode.


Note: (This is an unedited transcript)

Many years ago, I read a little book, and it talked about stress.

And what was interesting to me was that it didn't really call it stress, it called it fear. And kids do this correctly. They go up to a parent and they say, mama, I'm scared. They're fearful. And as adults, we can't say the word, I'm scared.

So we say, I'm stressed. But in reality, it's fear. And today's episode is about three instances of fear that we had at Psychotactics. Yes, it's story time. So let's get on to the first episode, the first section, where we talk about the stress of relaunching something when it has just failed.

I can't remember the exact date, but I think it was around 2010. We had launched the copywriting course. This is where you write sales pages, when you're selling a product or service, and only three people signed up.

Was that course a problem? Did we make a mistake while launching it? Was it the right time?

Did we have the wrong audience? We didn't know the answers, and nobody knows the answers. And finally, nobody asks the questions. Nobody from our list asked us, hey, did you fill up the course? Is it 50% full? Is it 25% full? Is it 100% full? No.

So we went ahead with the course, just three people, and they were excited to be on the course because it felt like personal consulting.

So what do you do next?

Do you just ditch the course? We decided to run it the following year. And when we did so, something unusual happened. The course filled up in under 24 hours. It was the fastest selling course in the history of Psychotactics. We've never had a course before or since that has filled up at that speed. And you know where this could have all ended? It could have all ended in fear.

The fear that we were doing something wrong, we were going to the wrong audience, we were doing something that we shouldn't be doing. We couldn't call it stress because it was fear. It was, are we going to fail at this early juncture in our business?

We just went ahead.

And usually when something goes wrong very early in your career, or even much later, you start to blame yourself and you don't need to blame yourself. You just need to relaunch it and see how it goes. And in doing so, you overcome that fear. So maybe you won't have the fastest selling course.

Maybe you'll go from three people to five people, or from three people to one person, and then after that, you'll figure out what you were doing wrong, if you were doing anything wrong, and then you'll fix it. Because when you think about it, anything that you do is like making a dish.

The first time you make it, it's not going to turn out so well. But sometimes, the 15th time or the 50th time that you make it, something goes wrong, and you just have to renegotiate and go, okay, I'll make the same dish tomorrow, and we'll see how it goes.

That's the first fear of something just failing without any understanding of why it's failing, or what we did, or if anybody else was supposed to do anything. And that's the first fear. But the second type of fear, it's more annoying.

You know what you've done wrong.

You know that it's going to scare the heck out of you when you try to do it again. And that's precisely what I had to do when I had to go for a speaking engagement in Wellington.

When I first started speaking, I had lots of speaking engagements, and yes, it took me away from Auckland quite a bit. I love speaking, I love getting on stage, I love audiences, but on this one occasion, I completely bombed.

I had just listened to a sort of podcast or audio recording, and this person said, you know, you shouldn't have slides, because slides take away from your presentation.

So like an idiot, I decided to just follow their advice.

It wasn't for me, but I followed their advice anyway. And when I got on stage, I forgot what I had to say. This wasn't just minutes after I got on stage. I'd been on stage for about 10 minutes, 12 minutes maybe, and then I went blank.

And if it were some free speaking engagement, maybe I wouldn't have thought so much about it. It's still terrifying, but I wouldn't have thought so much about it. Instead, this was a company that had paid me to be a professional, and somehow I'd goofed up.

So I exited the stage, went to my hotel room, locked myself there, and didn't show up or didn't emerge until I had to go to the airport. And when I got to the airport, I was hoping nobody would recognize me. That's not the end of the story. That wasn't the fear. The fear was that a couple of years later, I was scheduled to speak at the same venue in Wellington.

Now, it's not the same audience, it's not the same speech, and I have my slides, and I'm a completely different person, but it doesn't matter because the fear, or what we call stress, is still embedded in our systems. It was certainly embedded in my system. The fear was all the way from Auckland to Wellington, when I got to the hotel, when I got to the stage.

And then, you know the story, it ended well. And this is a second type of fear that we have, where we know what we have done wrong. We know sometimes the exact steps that we should have taken.

But we call it stress, and we avoid that situation over and over again. It might not be monumental, like standing on a stage in front of an audience. It might just be something that we have to do at our workplace or in our home, and we failed at it before, we know why we failed, and we decide we're not going to do this again.

It's too scary.

Yes, it is scary and that's what kids would call it. They would call it scary and then they would back away. And you, if you were a parent, you would say, okay, let me just walk you through this. Let's try it again.

Because you want to overcome that fear that you had, knowing fully well that you were the one responsible and you know how you got into that mess. To get rid of the stress, to get rid of the fear, you just have to do it again, and maybe again. But eventually, it'll go away. So those are two kinds of fear.

The first one where we don't know what we've done, but we just do it again. And the second time where we realize the mistake that we made, and then we go ahead and attempt it one more time. But the third kind of fear is the most insidious of all, and that is the fear of being an imposter.

You know that in the year 2000, I got to New Zealand, and at that point, I was a cartoonist, and a very good cartoonist, by the way. I got a substantial amount of work, considering that I was brand new in Auckland, and yet I wanted to do marketing. I wanted to take that time off, those three month vacations.

I didn't know it at that point in time. I didn't know it was gonna be three months or two months. I just wanted a different life from what I'd been leading back in India, where I was working quite a lot, taking time off, but not taking these huge chunks of time off.

I started reading books on marketing.

I went to the library, maybe 30 books at a time. And that's when I decided this is what I want to do. I want to do marketing. But I felt like an imposter. I would go to networking meetings week after week, every Friday.

And I'd stand up and talk about marketing. But I didn't know anything about marketing. When I got my first consulting job with the Sofa store, I told the owner, I'll be back on Monday with a plan.

And I signed up for two workshops on the weekend. Spent about $3,000 on those two workshops. Didn't even go to one of them. But that's how much of an imposter I felt. Now if you're in your kitchen and you're trying to make a different type of bread or a different dish, you're not going to feel imposter syndrome.

But if you're doing something that's remarkably different, and you have to change who you are in a way.

I had to go from being a cartoonist to somebody who knew what they were talking about. And I didn't know anything about marketing. Words like marketing strategy and tactics, well, they really scared me.

This is one recurring fear that comes true for all of us. Sometimes people get on to an article writing course or a cartooning course, and they start to write really well, and they draw really well. But at the end of the course, they decide that they are just learning.

And that's the imposter syndrome coming through.

It's, I couldn't have learned all of this stuff in 12 weeks. I couldn't be so good in 12 weeks. Surely something is wrong. And I had to do something similar. I had to overcome that fear that I was just learning. I had to tell myself, you know enough. And you know what? We do know enough.

When we launch a course, we don't worry about how many people are going to show up, what's going to happen. We just go with the flow. And if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. If I have to go and speak to an audience, Renuka will tell me, you better prepare. And she'll tell me this about 16 times.

But I already know, to overcome that fear, I have to be prepared. And finally, I don't have Impostor Syndrome. Well, I'm saying that, but every time you learn a language, every time you learn something brand new, there is a certain Impostor Syndrome that comes in. It's a beginner syndrome, and beginners are supposed to be fearful.


How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around You

Author: Sean D'Souza

How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around You

How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around YouIf you ask anybody, you will hear that things have gotten a lot worse.

But is that the case? And do we have any control over what's happening around us? How do you stay calm even when things don't work for you?

Here are three questions to ask yourself to stop you from falling apart.
Right click to save this episode.


What do you do when someone dumps their junk on your lawn?

We were renovating our kitchen. Since the old kitchen had to be dismantled and removed, we hired a dumpster. This dumpster was located just outside our house and looked enormous.

Yet, within a day of the work starting, it was filled to the brim. The dumpster company wouldn't remove any excessive junk, and it looked like we'd slightly exceeded our quota. Then things took a turn for the worse.

A van drove up early before dawn and emptied its junk on our lawn.

It consisted of an enormous amount of packaging material and cardboard. It wasn't a last-minute decision, either. They'd taken the time to black out all the delivery details and even ripped off the packaging information so we could not track them down.

They knew exactly what they were doing and even tried to force some of the junk onto the top of the dumpster. Then, realising they might be caught in the act, they threw everything on the lawn and drove away.

Would you get mad if something like this occurred?

Surprisingly, we had a chance to get back at these jokers. Like many “crimes”, the perpetrators often make one tiny mistake.

In this case, they had left one label with the courier's name and the tracking number. It was easy to find the address details on the website or call the courier company to explain the situation.

Except, we decided to do nothing about it. We realised they were somewhere in the neighbourhood, and we had at least a tiny chance of confronting them, but we decided to let it go.

Letting go doesn't always work. There are things you should pursue. However, in most situations, we have a few benchmarks that keep us sane.

1- Can I change anything?
2- Can they change anything?
3- Will things get better?


1) Can I change anything?

You know how some people honk like crazy when someone cuts in front of them?

Well, I guess I've done the same before. Right after that honking incident, do you think I feel better? Not at all. My heart is racing, so much of what happens next depends on the other guy. He might give me the finger, which then gets me really mad.

You see where this is going, right?

The problem with something that just happened is that… it already happened. It’s now part of the past. There’s no undo button when you knock over a cup of water. You can yell, jump up and down, even swear—but the carpet is still wet.

We often react strongly to events that are just seconds old but already unchangeable. I call this the “present-past.”

We're faced with dozens of situations in every life that are in the “present-past” tense.

We all live in what I call the “present-past.”
Things happen. We can't change them. But we do get upset.

Why?

We have wanted control since we were babies, and we’ve wanted things to go our way. And when life breaks the rules we’ve come to expect—like traffic rules, or how websites should work—we react.

But I started asking myself: Can I change anything?

If the answer was “no,” I’d stop fretting. I’d stop getting angry at unexpected rain, service downtime, or a waiter's mistake. If you can't change anything, let it go.

However, there's a little twist that comes up when you're dealing with other people. Maybe it's the waiter at the restaurant, or someone who could do a better job. Shouldn't you complain? Shouldn't the organisation do something? It depends on if “they” can change anything.

Let's look at the other side for a change.


2- Can they change anything?

Imagine you went out for dinner and the service was not as amazing as you'd expect. Maybe the waiter mixed up the order. At this point, most people get really upset.

“I need to speak to your manager”, they say angrily.

If you were to go back to the restaurant a day later, would the waiter be fired? Not at all. That's not because the restaurant doesn't care about your complaint. If they're smart, they'd give you a free dessert and even take the item off your bill, but they're not likely to fire the staff member.

It's because they often can't.

It takes a lot of time to get the staff member up to speed. Even if you are able to fire someone on the spot, you have to replace them with someone. That someone has to be trained, or needs some time to get used to your system.

This is why you will run into situations where nothing changes very much. The restaurant or the service provider has other issues they need to consider. The job market may be very tight too, and they may not get as many applicants.

In an unreal world, everything would work out just fine.

However, since there's always going to be hiccups, it's best to take those hiccups as part of the experience. Yes, you can complain, but most of the time it will not result in you having a better experience.

You will be angry, your friends and family will feel the frustration, and all you'll end up doing is complaining for the rest of the night.

I used to be that complainer.

I'd get upset, and then go on endlessly. At some point, I decided that in most cases, the organisation can't easily make changes.

Hence, if I step into a café and the coffee is bad, I simply pay the bill and don't drink the coffee. I move on to the next café and with a little luck, they meet with my expectations.

I suppose the only time you'd ever want to complain is if the situation recurs.

If the lawnmowing guy is always messing up, you have to complain or get a completely different service. If the coffee is terrible several times in a row, you'd have to let them know, or move on. However, barring a recurring problem, you can quite easily ignore the problem.

Why? It's because the organisation can't easily make changes. If you want to make changes, you'll have to make those changes to yourself. That allows you to keep calm even when things go awry.


3- Will things get better?

Remember those guys who dropped their junk on our lawn? We could have gotten revenge. While we were on our walk, we spotted the van and the remaining packaging material outside their house.

Would dumping our garbage, or even theirs, as payback be better? I don’t think so. Even if we could justify our actions, it would only bring us some petty satisfaction. On the other hand, it could also start an unwanted battle.

In most cases, it’s better to do nothing.

While this may sound like being walked over, that’s not the case. I’ve seen the other side of the battle too. When I was 13, my parents were involved in a property dispute that went on for over two decades when I was 40. Was it worth it?

I don’t think so, which is why sometimes it’s better to do nothing. In this case, it might have been better to come to some agreement and settle. Both sides are never going to agree on the terms, but it’s possible to come within striking distance and settle.

We’ve had issues with the neighbour and the fence, and it got settled with a little give and take. On the other hand, we’ve had our products pirated for over two decades, and we’ve never bothered to go after the pirates. Sometimes, you just don’t bother.

Parents know this rule: you can’t win every battle with your kids.

Well, that rule is true for most things in life. Your calm is more important than winning some petty points here and there.

There may be some things that you have to fight for, but most of the things that drive us crazy don’t fall into that category. Instead, it’s the tiny, inconsequential things that set us off. And things don’t get better, so why bother? Stay calm.

Ask yourself:

1- Can I change anything?
2- Will THEY change anything?
3- Will things get better?

Yes, that’s a heck of a checklist when you’re upset, but work on it one item at a time. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you can get to calm and stay calm all day long.


Why We Write — Part 2

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why We Write

We sometimes believe we write for a client, or for a website. And that belief is true. Except, it’s not true for most of the time. There comes a time when we go on a trip, a discovery of ourselves. We write for a completely different reason. Let’s have a look, shall we? Right click […]

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Why We Write (And The Difference Between Thinking Vs Writing)

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why We Write

Writing seems so laborious at times. We feel like giving up, but there’s a reason why we write. Actually, many reasons. Right click to save this episode. Note: (This is an unedited transcript) What are you supposed to do when a swarm of bees land on your car? A bee swarm forms when a colony […]

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Why Every Day Learning Matters More Than We Think

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why Sales Pages Are Annoyingly Difficult to Write

We all seem to know how every day matters. However, what causes people to plateau suddenly and how does every day activity help in avoiding that messy situation? Dig deeper into the very average concept of every day learning and you’ll see it’s anything but mundane. Right click to save this episode. When’s the best […]

[Continue reading...]

25 Years Of Writing: Simple Advice That Will Improve Your Articles

Author: Sean D'Souza

Improve your articles

I’ve now been writing articles for 25 years. And in those 25 years I’ve learned some things that you may not always find on a writing site, or even in any writing article. Read this article and you’ll suddenly have a completely different view of how to go about writing your article. Right click to […]

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The Four Arms Of Perfection – A Deeper Insight

Author: Sean D'Souza

The Four Arms of Perfection: A Deeper Insight

We all want to be somehow perfect. It doesn’t matter that we know it’s not possible. In this article, we have four crazy arms of perfection brought to life by writer Keith Rhys. I wish I could have said it better, but Keith (alumni of the Article Writing Course) says it eloquently. You’ll relate to […]

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DaVinci Alumni Special

Author: Sean D'Souza

Special Davinci Alumni Invitation — 70% Off the Cartooning Course Since you’ve done the Davinci 2.0 cartooning course in the last few years, I wanted to extend a special opportunity just for you. We’re inviting alumni like you to join the upcoming round of the course—at a 70% discount. This isn’t a generic offer; it’s […]

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The Concept Of Take-Off Speed (And How It Enables You To Manage Many Things All At Once)

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why You Never get Projects Off the Ground

If you feel overwhelmed and seem to get nothing much done, you’re not alone. That’s because many of us go around in circles. We never attain take-off speed and are doomed to circle the airport endlessly. Or are we? In this article, we will examine why top speed is so crucial and how to get […]

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The Five-Year Lease Concept (And How It Builds Resilience)

Author: Sean D'Souza

shiny object syndrome

Do you sometimes think you have “shiny object syndrome”? Do you seem to hop from one thing to another, only to feel disappointed? What if you couldn’t change your mind so often? That’s what the “five-year” lease is all about. You somehow have to make it work. Let’s find out how to use the “five-year” […]

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