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Psychotactics Blog

How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around You

Author: Sean D'Souza

How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around You

How To Stay Calm When The World Is Falling Apart Around YouIf you ask anybody, you will hear that things have gotten a lot worse.

But is that the case? And do we have any control over what's happening around us? How do you stay calm even when things don't work for you?

Here are three questions to ask yourself to stop you from falling apart.
Right click to save this episode.


What do you do when someone dumps their junk on your lawn?

We were renovating our kitchen. Since the old kitchen had to be dismantled and removed, we hired a dumpster. This dumpster was located just outside our house and looked enormous.

Yet, within a day of the work starting, it was filled to the brim. The dumpster company wouldn't remove any excessive junk, and it looked like we'd slightly exceeded our quota. Then things took a turn for the worse.

A van drove up early before dawn and emptied its junk on our lawn.

It consisted of an enormous amount of packaging material and cardboard. It wasn't a last-minute decision, either. They'd taken the time to black out all the delivery details and even ripped off the packaging information so we could not track them down.

They knew exactly what they were doing and even tried to force some of the junk onto the top of the dumpster. Then, realising they might be caught in the act, they threw everything on the lawn and drove away.

Would you get mad if something like this occurred?

Surprisingly, we had a chance to get back at these jokers. Like many “crimes”, the perpetrators often make one tiny mistake.

In this case, they had left one label with the courier's name and the tracking number. It was easy to find the address details on the website or call the courier company to explain the situation.

Except, we decided to do nothing about it. We realised they were somewhere in the neighbourhood, and we had at least a tiny chance of confronting them, but we decided to let it go.

Letting go doesn't always work. There are things you should pursue. However, in most situations, we have a few benchmarks that keep us sane.

1- Can I change anything?
2- Can they change anything?
3- Will things get better?


1) Can I change anything?

You know how some people honk like crazy when someone cuts in front of them?

Well, I guess I've done the same before. Right after that honking incident, do you think I feel better? Not at all. My heart is racing, so much of what happens next depends on the other guy. He might give me the finger, which then gets me really mad.

You see where this is going, right?

The problem with something that just happened is that… it already happened. It’s now part of the past. There’s no undo button when you knock over a cup of water. You can yell, jump up and down, even swear—but the carpet is still wet.

We often react strongly to events that are just seconds old but already unchangeable. I call this the “present-past.”

We're faced with dozens of situations in every life that are in the “present-past” tense.

We all live in what I call the “present-past.”
Things happen. We can't change them. But we do get upset.

Why?

We have wanted control since we were babies, and we’ve wanted things to go our way. And when life breaks the rules we’ve come to expect—like traffic rules, or how websites should work—we react.

But I started asking myself: Can I change anything?

If the answer was “no,” I’d stop fretting. I’d stop getting angry at unexpected rain, service downtime, or a waiter's mistake. If you can't change anything, let it go.

However, there's a little twist that comes up when you're dealing with other people. Maybe it's the waiter at the restaurant, or someone who could do a better job. Shouldn't you complain? Shouldn't the organisation do something? It depends on if “they” can change anything.

Let's look at the other side for a change.


2- Can they change anything?

Imagine you went out for dinner and the service was not as amazing as you'd expect. Maybe the waiter mixed up the order. At this point, most people get really upset.

“I need to speak to your manager”, they say angrily.

If you were to go back to the restaurant a day later, would the waiter be fired? Not at all. That's not because the restaurant doesn't care about your complaint. If they're smart, they'd give you a free dessert and even take the item off your bill, but they're not likely to fire the staff member.

It's because they often can't.

It takes a lot of time to get the staff member up to speed. Even if you are able to fire someone on the spot, you have to replace them with someone. That someone has to be trained, or needs some time to get used to your system.

This is why you will run into situations where nothing changes very much. The restaurant or the service provider has other issues they need to consider. The job market may be very tight too, and they may not get as many applicants.

In an unreal world, everything would work out just fine.

However, since there's always going to be hiccups, it's best to take those hiccups as part of the experience. Yes, you can complain, but most of the time it will not result in you having a better experience.

You will be angry, your friends and family will feel the frustration, and all you'll end up doing is complaining for the rest of the night.

I used to be that complainer.

I'd get upset, and then go on endlessly. At some point, I decided that in most cases, the organisation can't easily make changes.

Hence, if I step into a café and the coffee is bad, I simply pay the bill and don't drink the coffee. I move on to the next café and with a little luck, they meet with my expectations.

I suppose the only time you'd ever want to complain is if the situation recurs.

If the lawnmowing guy is always messing up, you have to complain or get a completely different service. If the coffee is terrible several times in a row, you'd have to let them know, or move on. However, barring a recurring problem, you can quite easily ignore the problem.

Why? It's because the organisation can't easily make changes. If you want to make changes, you'll have to make those changes to yourself. That allows you to keep calm even when things go awry.


3- Will things get better?

Remember those guys who dropped their junk on our lawn? We could have gotten revenge. While we were on our walk, we spotted the van and the remaining packaging material outside their house.

Would dumping our garbage, or even theirs, as payback be better? I don’t think so. Even if we could justify our actions, it would only bring us some petty satisfaction. On the other hand, it could also start an unwanted battle.

In most cases, it’s better to do nothing.

While this may sound like being walked over, that’s not the case. I’ve seen the other side of the battle too. When I was 13, my parents were involved in a property dispute that went on for over two decades when I was 40. Was it worth it?

I don’t think so, which is why sometimes it’s better to do nothing. In this case, it might have been better to come to some agreement and settle. Both sides are never going to agree on the terms, but it’s possible to come within striking distance and settle.

We’ve had issues with the neighbour and the fence, and it got settled with a little give and take. On the other hand, we’ve had our products pirated for over two decades, and we’ve never bothered to go after the pirates. Sometimes, you just don’t bother.

Parents know this rule: you can’t win every battle with your kids.

Well, that rule is true for most things in life. Your calm is more important than winning some petty points here and there.

There may be some things that you have to fight for, but most of the things that drive us crazy don’t fall into that category. Instead, it’s the tiny, inconsequential things that set us off. And things don’t get better, so why bother? Stay calm.

Ask yourself:

1- Can I change anything?
2- Will THEY change anything?
3- Will things get better?

Yes, that’s a heck of a checklist when you’re upset, but work on it one item at a time. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you can get to calm and stay calm all day long.


Why We Write — Part 2

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why We Write

Why We Write

We sometimes believe we write for a client, or for a website.

And that belief is true. Except, it’s not true for most of the time. There comes a time when we go on a trip, a discovery of ourselves. We write for a completely different reason. Let’s have a look, shall we?

Right click to save this episode.


My neighbour gets a weekly supply of veggies delivered to her door.

Within that mix of greens is always a cabbage, and sometimes two. Her family is so sick of cabbage that she's more than happy to get rid of it. The next thing you know, that cabbage is on my doorstep.

The problem with cabbage is that you can only eat so much, unless you turn it into cutlets. You add chopped onions, carrots, chilies, assorted Indian spices, of course some salt, and then you get magic. I know it's magic because when I gave my neighbour those cabbage cutlets, she asked for the recipe.

As it turned out, the kids wolfed down a dozen cutlets in minutes. Her husband, who wanted to burn the cabbage, thought the cutlets were great. The family then set about making cutlets for their own consumption.

Articles can be like cabbage.

The words and ideas we combine can make us want to abandon the whole writing process. However, there's always a way to make your writing look wonderful. Essentially, you're taking the ordinary and adding a touch of elegance.

The core goal of writing is to corral our thoughts, to put it in put it in that little fence and close the door. It's to ensure that we discard the millions of ideas that don't matter. We need to get rid of the unnecessary details and the mind-numbingly long sentences.

We want to get a point across, and the sentence needs to lead to the next and the next and the next. But then, writing takes a turn. We don't just want to peddle information. We know AI can do it way better than we can. We start to realize that we are not writing.

Instead, we are selling an idea. We want people to change the way they think or do things. Now, that moment calls for more than a plain old cabbage AI. And that's because sales is a transfer of enthusiasm from one person to the other.

Bugger.

Are you saying we have to be enthusiastic?

Yes, that's the progression of writing. It's a sales pitch no less. But done with so much finesse that the reader cracks a smile. They see the misdirection. They know they walked into something really cool. And like my neighbour, they want the recipe too.

You've been listening to Why We Write and this was part three, which was about elegance, and how elegance can make a reader want to come back over and over again. It's not about editing, it's not about tidying up your stuff and fixing your typos, but getting to a point of elegance, which takes time.

And this is not about practice, it's just doing something every day. Not writing an article every day, but writing every day. And that's when you get to elegance. But this also takes us to the fourth part, and that is why writing is a discovery of you.


4) The discovery of YOU.

A city is always surprising to its own citizens. You realize how little you know your city when someone visits. That visitor makes trips to different areas of the city, eats at different restaurants that you've never heard of, and they start to describe your city to you in a way that causes you to wonder if you're kind of stuck.

Most of us usually live in a suburb, visit the same supermarket, and work within a familiar radius.

We rarely venture outside our daily routine, which is why it's so surprising when an outsider asks you questions that you can't easily answer. When someone asks you questions, you feel you should have the answer to them.

It's not like you're completely clueless, but there isn't a sense of clarity to your answers. It feels like you have to reorganize your thoughts, maybe do some more digging and exploring. But it's not enough to think, because thoughts are like fireflies.

So we have to write. Back in 2005, I decided to teach the skill of article writing. I already knew how to write articles, or so I thought. However, the moment you create a course, you realize that you have lots of gaps in your instruction.

You realize this because the questions come in a trickle, but often in a torrent. Many of these questions may seem mundane enough until you start to write out the answer. That's when you realize you need to do some research.

Which is odd, isn't it?

You're doing research on what you should already know. That's particularly true because writing exposes the holes in your knowledge. This means that you are answering the client's questions while fixing the fumbles in your understanding of the matter.

You should know this stuff. You should be able to express it, but you don't. And when clients ask these questions, you somehow have to put together an answer that makes sense. And this is what writing does. It's also the moment when something unexpected happens.

It's common to start writing an answer, and then land upon an entirely different issue that needs solving. For instance, I may start writing an article about how to create reverse testimonials. And then I discover something that I wasn't expecting.

While taking screenshots of the reverse testimonials on our site, I realized there were different aspects of the testimonials. Some were exceedingly long, and others were not more than a few rows long. Some stayed on topic and explained why the product suited them, while other testimonials spoke about their perceptions.

It had nothing to do with the product. As I dug, I started to find a whole new set of angles to reverse testimonials. And this is a discovery of me. This is a discovery of you. You have to ask yourself, who am I writing for? Myself or my client? The answer seems logical enough. You're writing for somebody else. But it's not that clear cut.

Sometimes we write for ourselves, like I will draw for myself. I have kept a daily visual diary of my life since 2012. I've done watercolors. I've taken photographs. And I've done these things purely for my benefit. And sometimes I've had a client's question, and I realize I don't have a neat enough explanation.

The most exciting moment is when you set out to answer a question, only to find yourself slightly lost. You don't know where you're going, but you know there is an endpoint to it. And then as you go down that road that you should know, but haven't gone down, you find a treasure trove of questions that no one has been asking.

This level of insight is your own. It's a discovery that you make in your own time. You're driven by your own intense curiosity. And if you're the kind of writer who wants to populate your website, then all of this is nonsense. You don't want to take this route.

You want to just jump on AI, slap in some prompts and get some answers, tweak it a bit, and there it's on your website. This level of digging means you have to consider a new set of questions, questions that haven't been asked before. Your work has increased many times over.

So why bother?

If all you want to do is write another article, why bother? People have many motivations to write. I write because I want to find an answer to a question that exists. I don't know that answer. I don't know that road in my own city. But that's what I want to do.

Most of us write at the beginning because we have a website to fill, and we have newsletters to send out, and we have things like that to do. We share mundane and everyday, and we've been told to do that. And yet, eventually you discover that writing is about you. Writing is when you discover what you know, but you don't know how to express it really well.

Or something that just jumps at you from absolutely nowhere, and you go, where did that come from? So writing is a discovery of you. And that brings us to the end of this podcast, but also to the end of this very small series, just two parts, not a series really.

In this article we covered four things. The first is, what is writing about?

Well, we have to compare it with thinking. And thinking is this swarm of bees that shows up but then takes off. And these ideas keep running through your brain. And like me, you probably take 15 years, or five years, or five days, but these ideas keep popping in and zooming out, and so you have to pin them down, and that's why we write.

The second thing is that writing creates evolution, then revolution.

And if you really want to improve your writing, then you're going to take some of the information, not all of it, and then relook at it, like we do with all our courses and some of our books. They're not just sitting there, as they were written 5 years ago, 10 years ago. They get rewritten, and it creates evolution and revolution.

But even if you were just to sit down and write every day, not write an article, you know how many times I'm saying this, not write an article, but write every day, then you will start to see evolution.

And at some point, it just takes off. I don't know that moment, but there is a moment, and it takes off, and you never look back. Then, you will start to do some other kind of writing, and you will struggle, like you have always done before, like we have always done before.

But that evolution and revolution happens. People who don't write well, who believe that other people are better writers than them, the reason for that is they stop, they pause, they write every now and then. That's not going to work for you. You want to create evolution, it's continuous.

This brings us to today's episode, which is the quest for elegance.

And at some point in time, you realize that you're not just writing because you want to put words on paper. You're not doing what AI does. AI does an excellent job, but you're going for elegance. You're leading the reader one step ahead, and it's like a little mystery, a little dance.

And finally, and this is the most important, I think, it's the discovery of you.

You discover who you are, because as you go on that journey, you discover your own city, your own country, your own space, in a way that you've never thought of before. Someone else asks you a question, or you set out to look for something, and suddenly you start discovering yourself.


Why We Write (And The Difference Between Thinking Vs Writing)

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why We Write

Writing seems so laborious at times. We feel like giving up, but there’s a reason why we write. Actually, many reasons. Right click to save this episode. What are you supposed to do when a swarm of bees land on your car? A bee swarm forms when a colony splits, and the queen leaves with […]

[Continue reading...]

Why Every Day Learning Matters More Than We Think

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why Sales Pages Are Annoyingly Difficult to Write

We all seem to know how every day matters. However, what causes people to plateau suddenly and how does every day activity help in avoiding that messy situation? Dig deeper into the very average concept of every day learning and you’ll see it’s anything but mundane. Right click to save this episode. When’s the best […]

[Continue reading...]

25 Years Of Writing: Simple Advice That Will Improve Your Articles

Author: Sean D'Souza

Improve your articles

I’ve now been writing articles for 25 years. And in those 25 years I’ve learned some things that you may not always find on a writing site, or even in any writing article. Read this article and you’ll suddenly have a completely different view of how to go about writing your article. Right click to […]

[Continue reading...]

The Four Arms Of Perfection – A Deeper Insight

Author: Sean D'Souza

The Four Arms of Perfection: A Deeper Insight

We all want to be somehow perfect. It doesn’t matter that we know it’s not possible. In this article, we have four crazy arms of perfection brought to life by writer Keith Rhys. I wish I could have said it better, but Keith (alumni of the Article Writing Course) says it eloquently. You’ll relate to […]

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DaVinci Alumni Special

Author: Sean D'Souza

Special Davinci Alumni Invitation — 70% Off the Cartooning Course Since you’ve done the Davinci 2.0 cartooning course in the last few years, I wanted to extend a special opportunity just for you. We’re inviting alumni like you to join the upcoming round of the course—at a 70% discount. This isn’t a generic offer; it’s […]

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The Concept Of Take-Off Speed (And How It Enables You To Manage Many Things All At Once)

Author: Sean D'Souza

Why You Never get Projects Off the Ground

If you feel overwhelmed and seem to get nothing much done, you’re not alone. That’s because many of us go around in circles. We never attain take-off speed and are doomed to circle the airport endlessly. Or are we? In this article, we will examine why top speed is so crucial and how to get […]

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The Five-Year Lease Concept (And How It Builds Resilience)

Author: Sean D'Souza

shiny object syndrome

Do you sometimes think you have “shiny object syndrome”? Do you seem to hop from one thing to another, only to feel disappointed? What if you couldn’t change your mind so often? That’s what the “five-year” lease is all about. You somehow have to make it work. Let’s find out how to use the “five-year” […]

[Continue reading...]

Suddenly Talent: Book Reviews

Author: Sean D'Souza

I bought three copies of Suddenly Talented- one for myself and one for each of my kids.Eric Warezak, USA. My 13-year-old drew this in 2 Minutes. (After looking at the whale drawing and following the steps mentioned in the book—Suddenly Talented.Monika Burger, Germany I gave the book Suddenly Talented to a teacher. Myself.Nicholas Anderson, USA […]

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